There are specific songs that Jesus picks and sings over me for certain periods during my craziest times. I love that some of them are totally random….written by people who don’t even know Him, and sung by the most disparate singers. I heard one of these songs after my mom’s funeral while watching Grey’s Anantomy. I was feverish at the time, and the song was completely in the background, but it stood out to me, and it played in my brain continously for several months. Then, when He wanted me to come out to play again, he kept singing “Come On, Come Out” for about year. Now, the song is, “Do You Know the Way You Move Me?”. In comparing myself to other people, I came to see myself as a bastard child….I felt that my Father must be incredibly disappointed in the wreckage of my life, and perhaps He was terribly angry at me. In my brain, I knew it to be a lie, but I felt it so deeply at the the core of my soul, that it was hard to deny. The song He currently keeps singing to me has this lyric, “Do you know how you caught my eye, in the secret place where you chose to die? Do you know the way the you move me? I’m not angry with you. I’m not disappointed in you. So, don’t hide your face from me. I’m pleased and I’m proud. I see every movement of your heart towards me. Though you’re weak, my beloved, I see your love…Every time you look towards me, I see it.You’re beautiful just the way you are. I love you right where you are.” If He is the only one who sees and knows me, I will be fine.
His harshness toward me, and the way that He deals with me means that I belong to HIM! It’s what makes me a legitimate daughter. I thought it made me illigitimate, but it means that He loves me. “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor fiant when you are reproved by Him; For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, and He scourges every son whom He receives. It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline?> But if you are without discipline, of which we have all become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness. All discipline for te moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yelds the peaceful fruit of righteousness.”
God is so sovereign over me and all the hellish things that have happened to me. And He watches me very carefully in all of my reponse to His work in my life..I believe that He is also Sovereign over sin. The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.
.He said to me through this song…”Every day that you don’t give up, that you don’t let down, my heart is ravished. I saw when you gave it all up. I did, I did. I saw it. And it moved my heart.”
Have your way in me, Jesus.
Love you!! You are doing such a great work. God is smiling at you.