I don’t like limits. Something in me wants to go all the way to the edge and past. I’m not exactly sure how this came to be so ingrained in the core of my personality, but it’s definitely there now. My pushing-the-limits characteristic expresses itself in lots of risk-taking behavior, which has produced both joyful and hurtful results in my life. Given that I am a devoted follower of Jesus, and I try to live a life that is in keeping with his teachings, this crazy risk-taking attitude may on the surface seem incompatible with my beliefs.
Recenlty, I went to the beach with my friends Catherine and Ryan. Ryan and I were in the water, when I noticed a bouy marking the edge of the lifeguard-patrolled waters. “Let’s swim all the way out to the bouy”, I suggested. Unfortunately, a jellyfish was also swimming in the water out near the bouy, and I returned to the sand with a huge sting on my arm.
I was mulling over this incident later, and my friend Ginger told me that “ injuries while doing rad sports are our cherished badges of honor.” I began to contemplate whether or not my injuries truly are badges of honor. At the same time, I was wondering what inside me compels me to go out to the edge in the first place. I have often ended up with physical and sometimes emotional scars from risks taken.
At the moment, I am recovering from a particularly dramatic season of my life, in which I took a number of huge risks, reaped some big rewards, but also faced some huge losses. For some time, I thought that I would never recover, never be able to take another risk for love. Now I realize that I’m marked forever- there’s really no going back to the safety of an easy life. I crossed the line into risky love so long ago, that I’m really past the point of no return. The only option for me is to give it all.
I started to pray about this a few months ago. I was asking God if He liked this part of me, or if it needed to changed. I was thinking about why I like to run marathons, tend to go to forbidden places, and consistently pick really difficult jobs. Why do I move away from safety and comfort instead of toward it? God and I discussed it at length. Here is what He showed me: I can always use more wisdom. It is necessary to use discernment for every situation and relationship. I should not be taking a risk simply to stupidly prove that I am brave. But God wants me to be fearless, strong and courageous. He wants my attitude to be like that of David in Psalm 27:1-3.
“The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the defense of my life; whom shall I dread? When evildoers came upon me to devour my flesh, my adversaries and my enemies, they stumbled and fell. Though a host encamp against me, my heart will not fear; though war rise against me, in spite of this I shall be confident.”
There is a confidence and decisiveness that is pleasing to God, because it operates out of faith. I used to be able to confidently tell the Lord that I would go anywhere, talk to any person, do anything he asked of me, if He went with me. I want that confidence back, because I know that it makes my Father God happy. I am asking for more fearlessness, more courage, more boldness. I don’t want to take needless risks, but I refuse to be bound by any man-made limit. I am so thankful that God put this adventure-seeking gene in my DNA, and that He cultivated it in me. I’m so happy that He is the author of a life that will be full of risky love, because even if I fail, a risk taken for the cause of love is ultimately worth it.
